can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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