i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sarcasm needs its own font
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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