i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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