it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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