Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
