i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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