if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
