I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
