24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
be right there i have to get my cape
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
