Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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