and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
