the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
