So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
