Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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