If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
