There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
