I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
