It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
two words...techno handjob
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
