this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
