So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
