rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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