I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
