do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
