how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
