Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
