Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
