On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
