Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
