So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
