omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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