god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
