my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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