omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
