so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
