meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
