Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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