I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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