So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
