Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
