only if we run a train.
done.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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