i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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