Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
