no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
