i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
