I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
