I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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