How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
