And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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