I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
