apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
