True but thats because hes a fetus.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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