I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
