from now on my penis is your penis
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
