i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
