you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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