I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
