matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
