what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
