I got chris browned last night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
