Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
